everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
