I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i now understand why vodka
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
