is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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