have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
