shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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