You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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