I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
