I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
