I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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