My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
