I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
