You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
