first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
