She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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