think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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