I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
