all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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