I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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