Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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