Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
