new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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