i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm at about main and main street
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
