Apparently you make a good broom.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
