I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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