Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
