Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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