I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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