It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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