Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
