were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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