Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
