just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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