...so i touched it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
