Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
