make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
