Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
