i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
