i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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