I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
