Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
