If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
