So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
