Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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