Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
