Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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