I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
