We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
