Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
