so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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