i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
