So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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