My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
