Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
