who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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