I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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