Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
