and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
