I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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