you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
