good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
