38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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