I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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