I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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