so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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