You made me cry and you don't even care
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Alive.
So much puke
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
