he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
