i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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