The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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