where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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