I wanna passion pit in your ass
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
