Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
