Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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