You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
