I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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