At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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