Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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Everyone says I win the strip club
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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