after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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