you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
