Whod you bang
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
