Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
