I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My bed smells like the plague
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
