my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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